I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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