I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
