yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
