I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
