If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
