I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
