her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
