Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
