No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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