My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
