brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
