Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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