You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
