My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
