if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
