Can i not drive my cunt home
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
