she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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