i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize