i just wanna soil my oats bro
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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