Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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