oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
