i love accidental penises.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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