Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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