Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
