What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
