K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
