During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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