I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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