I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
