I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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