he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
