take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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