I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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