I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
