dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
