Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
