After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
