Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
