i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
