I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
