What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
