Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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