apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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