I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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