I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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