I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
