i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
