lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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