I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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