youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's official drugs can't kill me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
