If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
