I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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