in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
