Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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