hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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