im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I intend to get homeless drunk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
