so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
