i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We were destined to go to rehab together
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
