took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
