It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
