That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
