Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
