well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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