you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
