Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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