I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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