chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
