it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
