Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
