It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
